I recently read a lovely article about improving your marriage. It was full of many good suggestions. But it also made the amazing statement that many divorces among Christians are caused by poor communication.

   Don't believe it!


   Divorce is caused by disobedience. No other reason. Poor communication may be the excuse for the disobedience, but it is only an excuse.


   You don't have to be a good communicator to stay married.

   Your spouse doesn't have to be a good communicator.

   You can both have lousy communication.

   * You can be unfulfilled and be in dire need of some education on how to improve your marriage in all sorts of ways.

   You can be downright miserable ~ and still not get a divorce.


I'm not suggesting that you settle for a miserable marriage. Do everything you can to make it a healthy and happy one, including taking wise advice on being a good listener and communicator. But never take your focus away from what is right.


It is not poor communication that causes divorce, but the willingness to consider divorce that keeps couples in habits of poor communication. If Christians were serious about obeying the word of God, they wouldn't consider divorce under any but the most shameful circumstances. Knowing that they are stuck with their non-communicative spouses, they would learn to deal with it.


If your perspective is to avoid divorce by improving communication, you have already lost your way. You have made your marriage contingent on happiness rather than holiness. Good communication certainly improves the happiness of your marriage and makes it more pleasing to stay married, but the holiness of God and obedience to his word requires you to stay married whether you are happy or not.


It wasn't good communication that kept Martha Hall from divorce.